Slow start to the year

It has been a very lazy start to the year with a lot of late morning wake-ups and late nights. The kids are playing well together and seem content to enjoy the simple pleasures of life at home.

We took them to a car showroom to see the 'gold car' again (Citroen Picasso) which we can't really afford and don't really need. Still it was nice to sit in it and pretend to be real buyers.

Did some work around home - fixed a few things that should have been done ages ago. NCIS is on again (reruns) have to set the recorder again.

Took Ryan to get two immunisation injections yesterday. He was very brave and didn't cry even though it must have hurt. Minor swelling in his left shoulder today. Also took the kids to a park in Balwyn yesterday which they enjoyed.

Mum called today and said the council has informed them the side deck is ok to proceed with now that they have visited, but that they will need a permit for the rear deck which will need to be redone.

New Year - New Start to Neglected Blog

No more excuses for not keeping this blog updated in 2008. An entry a day even if it's meaningless drivel.

Watched 'Bourne Ultimatum' last night on DVD. Good movie. 5 stars.

Prepared CV today - down to one page. I like it brief. Applying for job as technical writer - not sure if it's for me, but what the heck.

Parents renovation has taken a turn with council knocking back plans for the front deck. Back to drawing board.

Aaron pretty grump today, must be the heat. He is only 2 months old.

Who am I?

I don't know how many times I've asked myself this question. I seem to have struggled with it for most of my life. First it was about my nationality, then it was about my spiritual identity and now about my purpose in life.

As my career comes to what appears to be grinding halt I have to rapidly make some sober assessment. Can I make a smooth transition or should I prepare for what at worst may be a protracted (I like that word) period of confusion and increasing desparation.

If the glass were half full I'd say it's the opportunity I have been waiting for and the open door is waiting to be revealed. In some sense I feel I have let myself down in the way I have let my performance taper off, my lack of accountability and pro-activeness. I have deferred making the hard decisions for as long as possible and now I am at a point where I feel the decisions are being made for me. I'm disappointed in myself and the discouragement that comes with that feeling is hard to ignore.

There's really no one that I feel accountable to and no one that I feel I can be totally transparent with. I've let myself go a little too far and long without a serious correction that I just feel the impending doom permeate my thinking and my actions. It's quite depressing and very few people really see this. It seriously undermines my self-confidence which has never been wonderfully high and has now hit an all-time-low.

I must face the reality of this personal crisis and not defer it any longer. I'm not much use to anyone living life with such little passion.

10 Years On

Well, today is our 10th wedding anniversary and here I am sitting in the sunshine at home. Elaine and I will spend (most) the day together with the kids and talk about our relationship which has had its fair share of ups-and-downs. This year promises to be one of the most challenging with my IT career coming to a long overdue close. Who knows what this year will hold? Perhaps we will need to sell our dream-home and restructure our lives to focus more on 'life' and less on 'style'. We really do live in luxury here, but does it produce quality of life?

I've wasted far too many years pursuing (or just stuck in) a career that I've had a waning interest in. Perhaps I would have heard God trying to adjust my course if I had been listening more intently, but now it's clear to me that I've come to that all important dead-end. No one ever promises that life will be free from difficult decisions that significantly change your life. And what better point than between our 10th anniversary and my 34th birthday.

On the positive side this juncture hasn't taken me by surprise - I've talked about it continually for several years - dreaming about getting out of IT, doing volunteer work with children. It was only until last year did options for earning an alternative income really open up with property investing. In many regards it would be more convenient if I didn't quit until I was financially free, but I doubt I can stay sane if it takes more than a few more months!

So a year of challenge and change is ahead. I have to reinvent myself to get my life back on track, potentially relocate my family and build a new career. It will be a year of continuous goal setting, evaluation and measured risk taking. The strength of my mental and emotional resolve will depend greatly on the programming in my head and the encouragement (or otherwise) of those closest to me - which is why my faith will need stretching.

To the natural mind it would seem that I'm following an idealistic tangent - a fool's path into what can only be an eventual ruin. In my mind I'm already at a ruin - faced with a career that I have no passion for and little aptitude remaining. The iceberg has been struck and I am faced with no choice, but to abandon ship. Rather than just climbing on the next ship that comes along I am now making a conscious choice to do something different in order to get different results. It seems totally logical.

I do need to get my support systems in place. I need a business plan for myself that considers worst-case scenarios and exit strategies. I need to have Elaine, her mum and my parents on board too since they are all affected. The end result will be a simpler, richer life with a little less style, but a lot more faith in action, effectiveness, making a difference in peoples' lives and doing something different. I think it will be an exciting new chapter. We will look back and say 'we have given up a lot, but it has been the most amazing journey'.

Thank you and Happy Birthday

Dear Jessica,

Happy Birthday! I know it's a little unusual to hear from me, but I thought I would take a moment to say thank you. What for? Well, you may not remember clearly, but back when you were around my daughter's current age your mum asked me to babysit while they had a (much needed) night out. Of course, I have known you guys since you were babies so I was quite comfortable taking on the challenge, but quite unprepared for the many surprises that go with the territory.

You were incredibly helpful and sweet (and I'm sure you still are!). I still shake my head as I remember how you guided me through the various family bed-time rituals and how I walked away awestruck at how rich an experience raising children could be. It wasn't long after that when I decided to get involved in children's ministry and I link it back to experiences like this that spoke clearer than any sermon. Life is full of divine appointments. Thank you for being a part of one that has been so significant in my life.

God the Creator

I heard a really good sermon last night by a visiting pastor (Kong Hee) from Singapore. His message was about the 'creativity' that God gifted mankind with, how it has become corrupted from it's original purpose, but in Jesus is now being redeemed (fixed). He also coined the term 'conversionist' and how we must be in the business of converting the 7 pillars of society (Family, Religion, Government, Education, Business, Arts, Media) back for God.

The statement that really challenged me was one I've heard in many contexts, but in light of God's character as creator and redeemer in took on a new light:
The moment you can think it - there is no question that God can do it
Eph3 - exceedingly, abundantly above what we can think or ask

Which leads to the topic of 'What has God created me to do?'

We are not gifted by mistake and even when we don't think our gifting is that great in comparison to others we must realise that the measure and mix of gifts is designed by God too. Take for example my technical skills which for quite some time I have not thought highly of. In over 14 years I really haven't done a lot - no technical discoveries or inventions. No awards, not a lot to be proud of. I've been quite down on myself about it at times, but I must stop and remind myself that God sees things differently. He can redeem my broken career and with my cooperation can restore it to what he originally intended.

Does God ever intend for us to be mediocre? No, but we must be careful with how we judge ourselves. Since no two people are alike we can never really compare ourselves with others. Accept that we are unique, give up living up to someone elses' expectations and standards, look up to God's plan and purpose. The creativity of God is within us and he has called us to be redeemed and to redeem. This is our mission in life: To allow the redemptive work of God to permeate our lives and then permeate our world with the redemptive work he has assigned for us to do.

Identifying that redemptive work will be the goal of this blog

Be me creative

I don't have a lot of evidence, but I believe I have the gift of creativity. I don't generally compare myself so I won't even attempt to quantify how creative I am - I'm happy just to accept my assertion that I have a creative streak - often hidden, but definitely there.

So this year I want to exercise my creative muscles - need a regular work-out plan to get them firing and toned. I bought a book on this topic called How to Get Ideas by Jack Foster which I remember was quite good so I'll flick through it now ...

Ah, yes Jack recommends the following:

• Have fun - what a great suggestion
  
• Become idea prone - just assert that ideas will come to you - abundance mentality
• Set your mind on goals - visualise yourself having ideas
• Be more like a child - I love this one - I need to misbehave more
  
• Get more inputs - get out or your rut and see things with a new perspective
• Screw up your courage - ignore the scoffers
• Rethink your thinking - improve your thinking skills
  
• Learn how to combine - break conventions, take risks, what-if scenarios
  
• Define the problem - rephrase the question/problem
  
• Gather the information - nothing too trivial
• Search for the idea - just do it
• Forget about it - take time off
• Put it into action - finish what you started

I think I generally need to a full-on ideas guy. Not just someone who talks and jots it down, but who fleshes it out, researches it, draws pictures, takes photos, makes phone calls, borrows books from the library, organises meetings on the back of idea that flashes into my head.

Could anything excite me more than this?

New Year - new blog

Well, it's been ages since my last blog entry so why not start a new one. This blog is dedicated to an honest reflection of where I am with my career changes, ministry to children, involvement in politics, with my relationships, my spiritual health and all the rest of it. Ok, so I have the blog anonymous and private - I'll invite a few friends to check it out at various points in the year - have to make sure it has something worth reading first.

Ok, quick status check:

• Career (5/10) - Happy to be working 4 days/week, but not happy with what I do during those 4. I should be more grateful - not to mention more diligent during those 4 days, but I'm quickly losing motivation - not good. Changes needed - fast!
• Ministry (7/10) - Had an excellent time at the recent kids' camp. Not happy with my commitment to kids church last year and want to put in more effort in 2006. Wanted to get involved with kids' mentoring program, but looking unlikely. Volunteered to do some web stuff which I need to follow through on.
  
• Politics (4/10) - Not feeling too good about my involvement this year, but it's a long-term commitment and it's not for the glamour. Will need to get out of comfort zone again in preparation for the coming election.
• Marriage (6/10) - With our 10th anniversary coming up I'm keen to really put some effort in this year. I've let things slip which I'm not proud of. God challenged me to use my creativity to enhance my marriage and other areas of my life - better not ignore that!
• Spiritual Health (3/10) - I'm spiritually dry and cold. I feel I've hit a wall and am still recovering. Hardly know what to say on this.
• Kids (8/10) - I've spent a lot more time with the kids recently and it has probably saved my sanity. They make me laugh and teach me lessons in faith, trust and love. I want to do more for them - for now that should translate to getting my overall well-being back on track.
• Small groups (5/10) - I really didn't lead well last year and treated my responsibilities poorly. Will need to get others to step forward this year as I'm not in any condition (spiritually) to be of much use.
• Health (6/10) - Keeping up with the kids and playing squash for 90 mins once a week is all I have time for these days. I should ride my bike while the weather is still good, which would be therapeutic.
• Creativity (2/10) - Ok since God spoke to me so clearly about this I'd better list it. I have demonstrated to myself that I can be very creative and it's something I love doing, yet I've managed to neglect this area of my life. Need an action plan here.
• Finance (8/10) - It's been a great period from an investment perspective. Plenty of room to further improve here, but my expectations need to be aligned with reality somewhat. Heaps to do here, but more confident than ever that I can achieve my goals.

The next few posts will focus on specific goals and plans for this year.